Love that faded away...

All this while, I have always believed that I am not good enough for him. I have always wished he gets someone better...he would reply saying that you let me decide that...But he never told me his decision. I have waited for him to tell me that he loves me...I have fallen for him and told him so. But his response at those times would be of a friend trying to help me get over him. I would wonder why he is behaving like this. Do you know that when I fell for him, I broke away from all my friends for 3 months to get over him? I was not completely over him then...so he could still affect me.

Now, let me ask you this...he brought the necklace 1.5 years back...then what took him so long to give it to me. Why wait this long? I have always spoken my mind about what I felt for him...All the time. But I would not get definite answers. Trust me...I have tried my best to make a go for it. I think if he would have responded or given proper signs that we are going somewhere I would have done something...or had the courage to make an attempt towards fighting for him. But he did not. I would give up on him and then last December onwards we went platonic cos I told him so...but unbelievably he was SHOWING me with gifts, that he cared. But then I was fed up and bugged that he made me wait so long...It was my EGO and Pride that stopped me.

But I swear we spent some good times together. I know I will be a priority to him and vice versa. But now I know I can’t look at him that way. It was going and gone after a point.

Do you know, the truth is I now believe I do have something good in me...as in confidence level wise. I can do better for myself. I feel that now...after being under confident about everything in life. So this feeling is new. It’s like freedom in small proportions. I feel more confident than before...so when I used to look at him I used to feel inadequate and felt he could do better than me. It may have spoilt what we had in a way but it din't change my feelings at that time. Now...I just know he is not worth fighting for.

When we started getting close...I told him a no that it was never going anywhere. He knew it since then. When my feelings changed he was still unsure about me. We have been on and off for 3 years...When I controlled my feelings he would come to me...When I went to him...he would shoo me away with his cold behavior...It was just not clicking right.

He will be special. I know that. But now I have just let it all go. I am not even stuck up about him. We have always hid things from each other and I don’t think that will change.

You know when you love a guy? - When you know you can Trust the guy. I don’t trust him. So that sums up to what I feel for him.